For about 6 months ago, I have been learning about Vedanta and Gita and have learned that Vedanta has a simple method to figure out who you really are. It’s called Neti, Neti, which means “Not this, not that.” Basically, you go through everything you think you are and reject it until, presumably, you’re left with the truth.
It sounded easy. Like cleaning out a closet. “Not this, not that, not this… oh wow, nothing’s left.” Except, in this case, the closet was me.
I Am Not My Body
The first thing Vedanta tells me to drop is my body. So, I sat down, looked at my hands, and tried to convince myself:
"This isn't me."
Immediately, my body protested. My knee ached. My stomach started hurting. My brain yelled, “Dude, if this isn’t me, why does it hurt when I sit still here?”
I tried logic: If I lost a finger, I’d still be me. If I lost both my arms, still me. Even if I became just a brain in a jar… still me?
So fine. Maybe I’m not just my body. But it still felt pretty personal.
I Am Not My Mind
Next, I had to drop my thoughts. According to Vedanta, I am not my mind because thoughts come and go, but “I” (also called ego, अहं) remains. Which sounds poetic, but in practice, it’s chaotic.
I am sitting still and watching my thoughts. Here’s what I got:
- “I should go to gym daily.”
- “I should read more.”
- “What should I eat for dinner?”
- “Wait, who’s the ‘I’ that’s watching my thoughts?”
If I wasn’t my thoughts, then who was even thinking them? This was getting weird.
I Am Not My Feelings
This one was brutal. I had to let go of all emotions, fear, joy, pride, anxiety and accept that none of them were me.
I tried to detach, but the moment I remember someone cutting me off in traffic, I immediately became very attached to my anger. Turns out, my ego wasn’t ready to let go just yet.
I Am Not My Identity
Finally, I tried deleting my sense of self: my name, my personality, my story.
If “I” was just a bunch of labels, what was left? What if I erased “Vikash, the guy who is writing this blogs”? Who would I be then?
It’s terrifying.
Did I Delete Myself?
Not even close. But I did get a glimpse of something weird and very interesting, the more I peeled away, the less I found.
In Simple Terms
Reject everything that you are not, and what remains is your true self.
Not the body, not the mind, not the ego just pure awareness.
Maybe that’s the point. The “I” that I’m trying so hard to hold onto doesn’t really exist the way I think it does. And if that’s true, then…
Who’s even writing this blog?