If there was one thing I was ever truly interested in, it was reading. But only technical stuff.
Code, systems design, benchmarking, self-hosting, database architecture, and algorithms. The deeper the better. All nerdy stuff. That was my “zone”.
Everything else, religion, philosophy, politics, history, psychology, all of it. It seemed like noise. “Philosophy = Isn’t that just old people talking nonsense?” “Politics = All manipulation.” “Spirituality = Total scam.”
I thought like an engineer: only what can be measured, repeated, or debugged is real. Then one day I listened to Acharya Ji’s video. Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1JXuoMwvrQ. No gimmicks, no motivational poison, no storytelling. Just one straight, piercing question: “Who are you?”
And that changed everything.
For the first time, someone’s words didn’t hit my head. They struck somewhere deeper. Here was a man who was sharp, wise, and above all, brutally honest.
Since then, my life has flipped. From a self-taught tech nerd to a person with a purpose. I think it is.
I still study technical subjects, but alongside them, now I read: Philosophy: to uncover what unconscious assumptions I’ve been operating under. Psychology: to observe the mind’s tricks, its habits, and its lies. History: to see how humanity keeps repeating its delusions. Economics and Politics: to understand the circus that calls itself “order”, and to ask what real freedom looks like.
Now every day, every book, every question, is a chance to re-read myself.
Yes, the inner racing is still there. On one side, the hunger to learn; on the other, limited time and energy. I manage to do X, but I want to do Y. That gap used to frustrate me and somewhat still does, but now I’ve made it my fuel. I don’t run away from the disturbance anymore. I watch it, write through it, absorb it. I built a website to document my journey. I try to write about it. My understanding of each book I read, each research paper I read.
Because now I get it (at least a little bit): pain isn’t a distraction, it’s direction. Pain is a signal that I’m not moving forward. It’s a signal that I need to change my approach.
“Coding taught me the logic of machines. Acharya Ji exposed the illusion of my mind.”
This journey I’m on now it’s no longer linear. It’s recursive, every day, old layers peel away, and something new becomes visible.
And what I study now is not just tech. It’s something that I can’t explain in words. It’s something that I can only feel through the change in my life.
#Unself
Last updated: 2025-07-27T02:25:15+05:30